You Are Not Designed for Everyone to Like You

hater quotes

When I saw this quote on Pinterest, it struck a chord with me. I’m unfortunately one of those people that is bothered when people don’t like me (unless of course they have a damn good reason to not like me.) I work hard to be a good person and I think I’m pretty friendly. Ever since I was in middle school, I’ve had a diverse group of friends and was friendly with everyone in my class- I was voted Prom Queen for crying out loud! So I always wondered how it was possible that there were people who just didn’t like me despite how hard I tried.

As I got older, especially in college, I realized that there will be people who simply don’t like you for no reason at all. Whether it was the overweight professor who used to say nasty things about thin women while staring at me as she said them (yes, that really happened) or the group of girls who gave my friends and I the constant evil eye, I began to see this side of people. And I didn’t take it very well. I completely understand that it’s normal to just simply not like certain people- but I think there should be a valid reason.

If there’s a person that I don’t like, there is always a reason. I’m not one to immediately pass someone off as a mean or terrible person just because of what a friend of mine thinks or a rumor I’ve heard about them- that’s immature. Sadly, I know a few women who simply don’t like me because their friend dislikes me. Unfair? Yes. Did I do anything wrong or mean to any of these people? Nope. Because this happens to me, I have recently made sure to never immediately dislike or judge someone until I get to know them. Since I know how terrible it is to not be liked for a judgement or stupid reason, I try my hardest to not do it as well. I’ve noticed that I’ve met so many new people and enjoyed their company when I put away previousย judgementย and disregard what others might say. And it’s pretty awesome.

A friend of mine in college revealed something to me a few years back. She told me, “You know, when I first met you, I hated you.” I was shocked. Why would she hate me before she even knew me? She told me that she was intimidated by me because I was skinny and pretty and had a great outlook on life (Those were her words, not mine. I don’t know where the last one came from!) But she said that she took a step back, realized how crazy she sounded and then used her own self-confidence to get over that judgement and see me for who I was. Her and I did a radio show together for years in college and still are close friends despite our distance.

Another friend told me she used to have a bad impression of me because she was worried I’d try to steal her boyfriend- HA! The truth was that I had a boyfriend of my own to worry about, and her boyfriend and his friends were just close friends with my group of friends. But again, a stupid photo, rumor or assumption made her dislike me from the start. We now laugh about how we both had terrible impressions of one another at first and how wrong we were.

I’ve gotten better at accepting that there will simply always be people who don’t like you. There will always be someone who hates you because you are thinner, smarter or prettier than them. There will always be someone who dislikes you for who you are dating or who you are friends with. There will always be someone who dislikes you for no reason at all.

Once you begin to accept the fact that “you are not designed for everyone to like you”, life will be a little easier. I already have improved my outlook on this and learn to just try to brush it off. For every girl who dislikes me, there is a sweet comment from a blogger friend to pick me up. Or a compliment from a stranger on the street. Or a kind e-mail from an old high school classmate. By focusing on those who do enjoy every bit of you, you’ll become less focused on those who don’t.

A wise man once said, “Haters gonna hate”.

Are you the type of person who gets upset over not being liked? How do you deal with people who don;t like you?

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71 Comments

  1. So true! As a people pleaser, that’s sometimes hard to remember. But I’m such a believer in the Four Agreements- Don’t Take Anything Personally. If someone doesn’t like you, that’s something in their own life, you just keep doing your thing!

  2. Definitely so true! I’ve also had friends tell me they thought I didn’t like them at first because I was cold/unfriendly but really I’m just kind of quiet/shy and it comes across that way sometimes. Because of this I always try to take the time to get to know people but not everyone is that way – great reminder!

    1. I get that a lot, too! I feel awkward around people I don’t know and can be shy. Or if I think someone doesn’t like me, I’ll act quiet around them since I’m worried.

  3. Many times girls have told me after getting to know me that I am nicer and sweeter than they originally thought. They said that I seemed pretentious, like I’m better then them or something. And that usually hurts my feeling that someone would make such an assumption without giving me a chance. And that’s mainly the reason why my friendship with a lot of girls are superficial. While I may not be the prettiest or smartest girl in the world, I’m pretty confident and happy why myself. I’ve always been the type of person that did their own thing, I was never a follower.
    And these girls that didn’t like you were just insecure and intimidated by you. Remember that when someone has issues with you, it’s their own problem not yours. I’ve also learned from experience that insecure people can make your life a living HELL so I try to stay away from them. That’s why I only surround myself with genuinely sweet and happy girls ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. Ah that’s so annoying! A lot of people used to tell me they were scared of me in high school because I was smart and popular, so they didn’t think they were smart or popular enough to be friends with me. SO WEIRD!

      I think you’re right- girls can be intimidated for stupid reasons, but that’s not my fault. I’d rather be a leader than a follower, just like you said! Thanks Rachelle!

  4. I was always disliked, in fact “tortured”, because I was 6’1″ and obese. In fact, I had to change schools three times due to mean people. It was always assumed that I was a stupid, lazy, chocolate cake eating fat girl. I could never understand why people would automatically not like me because of the way I looked, which in turn, made me not like myself. I lived like this for so many years and I look back on it now and see how much I missed. Although I went to an awesome private school, we did not have sports or dances (not even a yearbook).. I hear people talk about their memories of fun times and I think that I let people bully me out of these memories. Also, people didn’t like me due to how much money my parent’s had. Seriously, it’s not my money, it’s theirs. Sheesh.
    I try SO very hard not to judge people because I’ve been judged all my life. I’m even judged now, after losing over 230lbs, for so many different reasons. I’m judged because I lost a son at birth and I still choose to keep his memory alive and speak of him. I have had to come to terms with the fact that there are always going to be people that are going to judge me and live by this: “Forgive them for their blissful ignorance”. No one will ever walk a mile in your shoes so they will never know what you’ve been through and if they want to judge you and not get to know you, they are missing out on getting to know someone incredible!

    1. Oh my gosh Jamie, that’s terrible to hear! You’re so right- these people know nothing about you as a person, so they have no right to say anything mean about you. I think being judged and not liked just makes you stronger and a better person. You can choose the right type of friends to surround yourself with this way!

      1. You are right! It taught me how to see the beauty in the simple things that are unspoken and how to love deeper and harder. I treasure people for stuff that others don’t notice.

  5. Yep, there’s always going to be people out that they don’t like someone for no good reason but you just have to focus on the ones that are on your side.

  6. I can’t imagine how anyone would not like you! But girls are weird – I’m dedinitely just one of those people that makes judgments up front without knowing someone, but many girls are. It’s too bad. I don’t like it when someone doesn’t like me either. I’m kind of sensitive like that!

    1. haha aw thanks Niki, but sadly there are a few of them. Girls are very odd, which is probably why I am very picky about who my true female friends are.

  7. I’m always a little hurt when someone doesn’t like me. But, I try to remember that if someone is willing to judge someone before getting to know them, then they’re probably not the kind of person that I want to be friends with. Honestly, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become a lot more comfortable with myself as a person and care a lot less about what other people think of me. And, there’s a lot of people who like me for me! They’re the ones worth thinking about.

    1. exactly! That’s what my Mom always told me. She said, “Do you really want to be friendly with someone who doesn’t like you based on your looks or something their friend told them?” and the answer is always “no”. I’d rather be hated for who I am than liked for who I’m not, right?

  8. Of course we all get a little hurt or offended when we learn that someone doesn’t like us.. we all want to be the person that everyone loves! But like you said, haters gonna hate. I usually just only surround myself with people who love me and avoid those who don’t!

  9. I know I’ve struggled with the desire to be liked an accepted, it’s kept me from speaking up when maybe I should have. I now finally feel like people will like me for me, or not, and if they don’t, that’s ok. Like you said, haters gotta hate ๐Ÿ™‚
    Ginny

  10. Yes, I’m with you – it really bothers me when someone doesn’t like me or when they act like they don’t. I never understood that, especially if I’ve never been rude to them or done anything to them. It’s hard, but I think like you said, once you accept the fact that not everyone is going to like you (and it’s OK if not everyone likes you), it will be much less stressful!

    1. I think it’s human nature to be bothered when someone doesn’t like us- anyone who says otherwise is lying ๐Ÿ™‚ Who wants to be that girl everyone likes anyway? That just means you have no opinions, thoughts or a personality haha!

  11. Dearest Rachel! I haven’t met you in real life, however it doesn’t take a genius to recognize that you are an amazing and loving person. I loved this post. I really had a hard time with this when I was younger. Now, I am truly at the point where if you don’t like me, YOU have the problem. You can only work so hard on catering to everyone’s needs until you burst because you are not being true to yourself.

    1. aw thank you so much Richelle. Everyone who is older than me tells me the same thing- it only gets easier as you get older. I’m a lot better with it now than I was before, so each day gets better! In the past few years, I’ve cut out tons of people from my life and felt good about doing it.

  12. I never understood how people could hate people for no reason at all. Granted, I’ve come across people who I immediately didn’t care for, but you’d never know that. Unless someone gives me a really good reason to dislike them, I’m going to act civil and kind. I think that’s the least people can do. I have more important things to do with my time than hate on people. But that’s just me!

  13. This is so great! I’ve gotten my feelings hurt before when people haven’t liked me. I feel like I am a nice person so I don’t really get it. But I guess you aren’t just going to click with everyone and that’s okay. But that doesn’t give people a reason to just be flat out mean. That ‘hater’s gonna hate’ made me think of a picture a friend sent me. I need to post it on instagram!

    1. I totally agree. There’s tons of people who I don’t particularly want to be best friends with, but I’m still nice to them. I think it’s a lot of insecurity and jealousy and it’s just stupid. and loved the photo! haha

  14. I used to worry when people didn’t like me- it was agonizing and I spent far too much trying please people who didn’t care.

    And then, for whatever reason, I realized that what other people think of me is actually none of my business. There’s a sort of freedom in that. It also lifts a weight off your shoulders to just be who you are, concentrate on the people in your life who love you, and everyone else can take a hiiiiiike. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    1. You’re so right! I write about whatever I want on my blog, and some people have made comments about how it’s “rude” or “bitchy” to complain or vent or write about someone on your blog. HA! It’s called having an opinion. Anyone who doesn’t like hearing other’s opinions needs a reality check. I think writing has totally helped me accept that people will hate you for no reason (I’ve gotten a few nasty comments which I took with a grain of salt!)

      Thanks Ashley!

  15. Let the haters drink the haterade ๐Ÿ˜‰ I agree with this and I have come to accept that not everyone is going to like me. High school wasn’t so much a problem because well I don’t think anyone knew who I was ๐Ÿ˜‰ My friends liked me, but I was often thought of as the quiet, shy, nerdy girl. In college, a whole different story. Judged by tons of girls, hated before even knowing me. But I must admit that I can be VERY intimidated by people, in fact my best friend Robin was super intimidating when I first saw her. Tall, skinny, drop dead gorgeous it was hard for me not to think she might be stuck up, but she is the best person in the world! I think as humans we like to assume what people might be like, it makes us more comfortable, just like when we stereotype people, but it sucks that some people keep that impression instead of opening up!

    I know though that I have a lot more people love me for who I am than those who don’t know me or don’t like me for my appearance or “how I come across” to them. You are a great person, with a lot of great ideas and obviously gorgeous! So there will definitely be some people who just hate on that, to hate on it. Merpppppp ๐Ÿ˜‰

    1. Haterade! haha College was so cliquey and thankfully I made a few good friends that weren’t like that at all. I agree that attractive women are seen negatively at first impression, which is kind of sad. I’m the first one to tell a girl how pretty she is when I meet her, not tell a friend that I think she is a ___ (insert slang word here)

      As we’ve talked about before, there will always be people who hate on you for being successful in any area, so you’re so right! And I have a lot of things others don’t, so I should keep those positive people in mind when I get “down” about it. Thanks Rachel! ๐Ÿ™‚

  16. I use to be one of those people who got upset over not being liked. I realized quickly that I shouldn’t spend time wondering why someone doesn’t like me because it’s not important. As long as I’m living life the way that makes me happy, I have nothing to worry about. If that person wants to waste energy on disliking me, it is their problem.

    Great post!

  17. Dripped in Yellow– LOVE LOVE LOVE the quote ๐Ÿ™‚
    Also.. I was sharing this blog with a friend of mine who has always been the Miss Popular, Miss Perfect, Everyone Loves her.. blah blah.. and she said that she was nervous of being my friend (even at biggest) because my personality was so radiant.. it made her insecure. It’s crazy.. 12 years and an incredible friendship later.. It’s hard to believe ๐Ÿ™‚

  18. I think becoming comfortable with myself made it easier for me to not care what others thought as much. And that revelation came with age. If only I could go back and tell my 20 year old self not to worry about it so much! Ha!

  19. It’s always a tough realization that you can’t befriend/be well-liked by everyone. I personally like to be friendly with everyone and then have a solid group of friends, so I struggle when people aren’t friendly or seem to dislike me. As I’ve grown, I’ve become more okay with it, but it can be a hard pill to swallow. And, you are so right: haters gonna hate….but it’s their loss.

    1. I’m the same way! But I’m getting better at it and realizing that if they have no reason to hate me but they do, then it’s their fault and not mine

  20. I really love when you write posts like this. So relatable! I used to care so much, especially in HS (an all girls HS at that) but by senior year I started to get over it. I will remember a girl that was always kind of mean/rude to me telling me that “she regretted judging me” because she learned that I was actually cool. (duh!) Now that I’m older and “wiser” I could care less (said more colorfully in my head…)

  21. I love this topic! I have never ever cared if people liked me or not (I don’t know why, but I think this trait was given to me by my mother) but I can see where you’re coming from. People, especially those who aren’t happy with their own lives, will find reasons to hate on others. It’s a horrible character trait and I’m glad you can look at people like that now and let it roll off your back. You’re awesome!

    1. You’re lucky! Certain people I care about more than others in terms of how they feel about me, but I’m getting better at not just caring at all ;P

  22. This post is so so so true. I feel like sometimes people don’t like people immediately and usually it’s based on some sort of insecurity of their own. I have always been really affected by people not liking me, it used to really get be down and doubt myself a lot but I’ve realized thats just crazy to do – not everyone is going to like me! and that should be fine!

  23. i’m the same way. it’s bothers me to no end when people dislike me for absolutely no reason but you’re right, we can’t win over everyone! we’re just bringing ourselves down by letting that get to us. one of my favorites quotes is this:

    ‘you can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world,and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.’

    thanks so much for sharing!

  24. This is so, so true!! Sometimes people will not like you for no reason at all! It’s so ridiculous. I think hit on a true not….you just have to accept it and let it be, instead of trying to change it or try to make them like you!

    dancingwithashley.blogspot.com

  25. It’s so true – haters gonna hate! This is a great outlook. I heard a quote once that I love: “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there will still be someone who doesn’t like peaches.”

  26. This has nothing to do with this post.. hehe, but I’m thrilled! I found you on Bloglovin today and WOOT! Now I can follow you more easily! I was afraid you weren’t on it because I didn’t see the little button under your pretty picture ๐Ÿ™‚

  27. Loved this post! There for a while I was always hearing that people at my hubby’s work thought I hated them or thought that I was mean. Neither of which is true. It really bothered me but he couldn’t understand why. No one likes to feel like people don’t like them or that people think they are mean {unless maybe they are mean}. It sucks but I had to learn to let it go. Thanks for such a good post ๐Ÿ™‚

  28. I really have a hard time when people don’t like me but this quote is so true. Thanks for sharing!

  29. Amen…haters gonna hate–It’s something I remind myself of as well. I think the key here is recognizing that other women might have insecurities and might be threatened by someone they deem more (insert compliment here)-and it no fault of our own if they decide we are that person. I was just discussing this the other night with a friend–I don’t understand why more women can’t just be nice to each other!!!

  30. love this post and it’s so true that we can easily made snap judgments about people who we don’t even know. glad i found your blog from nadine’s post today and looking forward to reading more! ๐Ÿ™‚

  31. This post makes my heart sing. Thank you so much for opening your heart and sharing. Unfortunately this is one of my weaknesses as well which isn’t always good. It makes me want to change what ever they don’t like but other people shouldn’t be shaping who I am. This is great! I love blogging about self esteem and you hit this right on the nail, well said.

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