If I’m being honest, I’ve always had a hard time “letting go”. It has always been hard for me to get rid of toxic friends, end terrible relationships and stop focusing on the past. But after doing this for so long, you start to finally realize that things need to change.
I’d say that in college was when I really learned to “let go”. While I’m still close with most of my high school friends, I lost a few to distance or just general changes in personality. I realized this was inevitable. I stayed in a crappy relationship for the first few years of college because I was too scared to let go of it. I was worried I’d never find anyone else and that no one would ever feel that way about me again.
The most poignant time for me coming to terms with letting people go was after college. This was a huge time of transition for me- I moved back home, started a new relationship, was far away from my college friends and lifestyle, and started working full-time. Such a drastic shift like this is a crucial time for changes. And I realized that some changes that needed to be made were letting people go.
There’s a short list of people I had to let go during this period of change. I let go of an old relationship- which lasted for 3.5 years and about 10 years of friendship prior to that. It was difficult, but I knew it was the right thing to do for myself. I never thought I’d be cutting out friends who I grew up with and shared so much of my life with, but it had to be done. I cannot see myself being supportive and friendly with people who had hurt me, or supported the hurting of me, so much.
I let go of toxic friendships-whether they were long-time friends or just a friend-of-a-friend. Those who only liked me when they needed something, those who didn’t put the effort into our friendship like I did, and those who did not support my new relationship, lifestyle or goals. I realized that having a handful of true friends who love and support me is better than being surrounded by 100 fake friends who only tear me down when I’m not looking.
The thing with letting people go is that it causes tension. People might label you as a rude person for losing touch, or immature for ending communication over a situation. But in the long run, your happiness is what matters- it is your life.
Another thing I faced was the blame-game. I started dating someone new and my boyfriend and I lost many friends simply because of insecurity, immaturity and jealousy. Although this hurt a lot, I realized neither of us need people like that in our life. Your friends should support your relationships and be happy for you. They should lift you up, not put you down.
Letting people go takes guts. It takes a thick backbone, which I’ve grown slowly over the years. There are times where you need to just stand up for yourself and decide who deserves to be in your life and who doesn’t. Because we all deserve the best. “You are only going to be as good as the people you surround yourself with, so be brave enough to let go of those who keep weighing you down”.
Have you had to let people go? Why?