Engagement Season: Why All the Hate?
Engagement season- it’s the period of time between Thanksgiving and Valentine’s Day when most couples go from being boyfriend-girlfriend to lovey-dovey fiances. You would think this time of year- which is already full of cheer thanks to Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years- would be extra cheerful with the news of our friends and family members getting engaged, but it seems like the total opposite to me.
For the past month, and the upcoming month I can only assume, I’ve been seeing tons of tweets, Facebook posts and even viral photos of people whining about others getting engaged during “engagement season”. Tweets such as “UGH another girl from high school got engaged, while I can’t even remember the name of the guy I met last night” or “Engaged at 25? I’d rather not give up my life, thanks!” are popping up everywhere and starting to annoy me.
First of all, those who are complaining should be happy for others who are getting engaged. If you are a human being who generally cannot be happy for others, then that says a lot about you as a person. Secondly, getting engaged is not the end of your life, youth or happiness, contrary to what some nasty people say.
Getting engaged isn’t a race. The first to get engaged doesn’t win a prize. It isn’t something to throw in other’s faces (but at the same time, you should 100% be happy and post it on Facebook and tell the world). It doesn’t make you better or worse than anyone else.
I hope to someday get engaged. I would hope that my friends and peers would be happy for me, support me and voice their warm thoughts to myself and my boyfriend. But I’m actually worried- and almost prepared- for a huge backlash simply based on what I’ve seen, heard and experienced in the past 3 years since graduating college. It’s sad to admit that I know there will be friends of ours who will say mean things behind our backs- whether it’s because they are jealous, single, in a relationship and waiting to get engaged… whatever the case may be. I have tons of single friends who are 100% supportive and awesome and love spending time with my boyfriend and I. But it’s clear that not everyone is like this.
Now before you start to yell at me, I get that there are a variety of circumstances that would warrant these type of responses. If your best friend ditched you to marry her cheating and violent fiance, I can understand you being annoyed and upset. If that girl from college is posting 5 photos an hour of her ring and un-manicured nails in different positions, then I can understand as well. But for all other general circumstances, what is so wrong with your peers getting engaged and letting the world know? Does their happiness really affect your life so much that you have to broadcast some passive-aggressive message about it?
It’s hard for me to really put my finger on what is starting this phenomenon. Is it that single women are increasingly insecure and just can’t deal with the fact that others are finding “the one” while they are sobbing over The Notebook at home? Is it because we as a generation feel the need to “one-up” everyone else and the fact that someone else is engaged and we’re not ruins that plan? Do you not believe in marriage and feel the need to force that upon everyone else? Please, enlighten me.
Wow I did not noticed tweets or FB post like this one but that is so sad. My circle of friends is very small and we are always so happy when good things happen to each other. And I don’t understand how could someone be jealous of another person getting engaged, that is so stupid. Even when I think my friends are making bad decisions, it is not a valid reason to not be happy for them, at the end of the day this is their lives and as a friend I need to be supportive.
The last sentence is so true! you support them no matter what
Wow, that really says a lot about the people who send out those messages. I don’t understand why people get so jealous while it’s such a wonderful experience for the couple. I think people should be happy for their friends, family or even strangers!
Not only is it rude, but it also makes them look pathetic. They are just drawing attention to the fact that they are single, taken but not engaged, or just a bitter person all around
Maybe I am oblivious on social media but I rarely notice negative things being said about people’s happiness. While I’m sure it is out there maybe I just have blinders on or choose to ignore it. I’m sure those feelings exist but it’s nice to believe that people can be genuinely happy for others. I personally get excited when I hear great news for people whether it be a new job or having a baby, whatever!
Maybe the people I follow on social media are just Debbie Downers about engagements 🙂 I get excited for these people,too!
There have probably been about 15 people I once knew (high school or college) who have gotten engaged since the beginning of December! I am always happy for them. Even if I don’t interact with them on a normal basis, I always “like” the post or say congrats! I think it is a weird thing, I was actually talking to my best friend about this yesterday. She got engaged in June and is planning her wedding for June 28, 2015. She’s super excited. Since then, another good girlfriend of mine got engaged and her date is June 20, 2015. I think where some of the “hate” per say may come in is that people start getting worried about planning around each other. It may seem stupid and petty, but I think I get it. Dreaming about planning your wedding someday, you never consider that another friend or someone who is friends with a lot of your friends might set the same date. And if someone knows they are getting engaged soon, maybe its more of a freak out about planning. Again, I know it sounds dumb because its like, its your wedding does the date really matter?
To me though, it does. Fall is my favorite and October has always been my dream month to get married in. I don’t know if I’ll get engaged in the next year or not, but if I do, I would think I would want to plan on October 2015. I have another friend who has all my mutual friends and will make my best friend (who I will make my maid of honor) her maid of honor and I know she also wants to get married in October. No problem, except what if she gets engaged this year and gets married in October 2015. It seems silly that we should have to plan our weddings around each other, but it could end up that way. Anyway, that’s just one perspective, but it’s just one of those things. People tend to get engaged and married before 30 (especially in the Midwest) so it is bound to happen that a ton of people are going to be getting married! Like I said, I just don’t think anyone ever considers having to plan around someone else, but it could end up that way and maybe that’s where some of the being upset about it comes from. Although I agree, it is not a competition as to who comes first, not at all!
Same! People make it this competition. “Her ring is bigger than mine, I bet her bf didn’t really pay for it” or “Susie got engaged before me but her boyfriend is ugly so who cares” haha it’s so terrible!
People are crazy. Pretty much all of my friends are married now… but I remember when each one got engaged, we were happy and excited for all of them!
like you should be!
Haha I totally hear you! My boyfriend and I personally don’t have plans to get engaged for a while, but if other people want to, they should go for it! Like you said it isn’t a race.
What does make me upset is when people who do get engaged start acting like the are better/further ahead in life/etc than you. Just because my plans don’t include marriage right now, doesn’t mean I am miserable. Cray-z.
ps- I saw a couple get engaged on the ice rink in Rockefeller Center last week -it was the cutest thing! They cleared it out entirely and he got down on his knee – that’s definitely the way to do it! Haha
That’s so true! Some people take marriage/engagement as a status symbol. So odd
People are weird. Sometimes I am super happy to have engagement season over but only because EVERYONE is asking me when I am getting engaged and it’s none of their business. In general I am happy for anyone who is in love!
haha that’s a whole other story now isn’t it!?
I’ve had friends say “I can’t believe so and so from high school got engaged before me…she’s so ugly.” I really think it just boils down to jealousy.
YES that too! I hear that a lot
I was one of the first of my friends to get engaged/married. It was a weird time. My bff totally ignored it, then did a crappy job as my maid of honor. It still makes me kind of mad. I guess if I was the last one standing, I may have felt differently but I was always overjoyed when one of my friends got engaged.
Oh no! Then you know firsthand what I’m talking about. It’s so sad. I see it all over social media and I just get so upset
What? This is just ridiculous!! I guess I am oblivious to this hating since I am “old” and been married for almost 14 years! LOL! Girls need to stop being so jealous and selfish and be happy for those who are celebrating the best time of their lives.
haha oh stop! It might be my age or generation… or maybe just the people I’m friends with on Facebook 😛
Bottom line, you’re jealous and not a real friend if you can’t be happy for a girl friend who has found “the one”. It’s just that simple I think. Sad, too, that true colors can come out at such an otherwise joyous time.
Exactly! This is the time when you have to let people go because you realize they suck
I get more annoyed with the pre-engagement talk. I have a few social media friends who call their boyfriend their “future hubby”, his dad “future father in law”, and constantly talk about how an engagement is “coming soon”, the size of carats their ring will be, and when and how they took their man ring shopping. It takes the romance out of it, and makes it more like a “transaction”, or something that HAS to happen. I would never want to pressure my boyfriend into marrying me. I think what adds the the annoying factor is when girls comment with praise and encouragement “you go girl!” “Get em!” “when’s the ring coming?”. Gross. Just my two cents.
That said, I am completely happy for my friends who do get engaged and I highly encourage sharing the news on facebook and instagram.
of course! I completely get what you’re saying and I see some of those people on my feeds, too
That can be annoying, too! I guess more of the people I follow are engagement-haters, not engagement-crazy-people haha
Amen. I am with you girl. Why can’t we just be happy for one another?!
As always, you nailed it. I call people like that Parade Rainers, and they are SERIOUSLY the worst. I hate to reduce everything down to jealousy, but are you really incapable of being happy for other people? Or at the very least… I don’t know… just ignoring it? I mean, really.
why thank you Alyssa! People get so bitter over other’s successes
I don’t get it either! I think we all have the right to be married/engaged or to not be married or engaged….. if you’re happy being single than I’m happy for you! If you’re excited to be engaged then I’m excited for you! I think social media really adds to the whole female competition BS.
exactly!
I truly don’t get it either and am 100% with you here!
preach girlfriend! i find it incredibly rude and i’ve unfollowed people for this exact reason. i think it says a lot about your personality. who are you to say their life is over? i could go on…
ME TOO! I unfollowed a couple on Facebook and Twitter for it. Grow up!
I didn’t even know there was an engagement season! This engagement subject really begins out of jealousy. The people complaining are always never engaged and they feel the need to lash out. It’s a shame.
As someone who has been engaged for 2 years before having to breaking it off, let me just say that sometimes you really don’t want to be engaged. It’s better to wait for the right person or not do it at all, and why not be happy for those who are taking the plunge? Personally, I don’t care much for weddings or engagements right now. Call me bitter! But news of a new engagement is always exciting and should be treated with respect.
Very true! I’m so happy for others getting in new relationships, promotions, anything… Some people are just very bitter or opinionated I guess.
totally agree – my 2014 motto is to spread love! i hope people find it in their hearts to be happy for one another! love is why we’re here
Exactly!
I must be living in a bubble! I got engaged in Dec and I have personal friends who also got engaged on Christmas. All I saw was love! Maybe I need to get out more? Thanks for sharing! Didn’t know there was an engagement season lol 🙂
I think it might be my age. I’m 24, so a lot of people think thats “too young” to get engaged! ha
I’m 23 🙂 Congrats on your engagement! I love following your blog 🙂
well then maybe I just follow some mean girls on social media haha 🙂 Thank you so much!
I hate tweet about people that I don’t really know because its based purely on jealousy. I’m not ashamed to admit it. For my close friends that I know well, I am truly happy for them when they get engaged. But seeing the 5th engagement in a month when you are eternally single, it sucks. Big time.